I love MC 900 Foot Jesus. Just had to say that. Today was a pretty pointless day. I went to school to take a Clep test, which of course, I passed. It's raining here and all cloudy...it was yesterday, too. I love it. I love it when it is all dreary and foggy and raining. I think I could live in London and be satisfied for the rest of my life. Actually, Europe would be way cool no matter where it would be. I need a change of scenery. I'm using this weekend to work on my web page and the medical web page. Hopefully, I will get it all done, that way I won't be neglecting it this term like I did last term. They put me in two classes I didn't need and then when I tried to get them to fix it, they had a hissy fit. So, I'll have to wait until Monday. UGH! I forget who I am dealing with...nothing is done in a timely fashion at that school. I'll be glad when I can get out. I am gonna go to Tech...I might as well cave in and realize that I'm not getting out of Lubbock anytime soon, so I might as well make the best of it and quit bitching. Okay, if 88.1 doesn't stop playing shit, I'm gonna change the radio station. Let's face it, Lubbock radio is not all that great.
What is that strange smell? Oh God! My grandma turned on the heater. (Downfall number one to living with an elderly person...it's cold all the time.) Okay, I am always cold, but I would rather be cold than hot. Of course, because you can put on more clothes and you can only take so many off legally. Anyway, I am getting sidetracked. I was going to bitch and rant about my 'friend' in Austin. (I use the term 'friend' cause I am not too sure what his motives are and I'm also not too sure what exactly a friend is anymore.) Okay, back to Austin-dude, which he shall henceforth be known. We kinda have this weird history. We dated when I was in high school (I was 16 and he was 23, not a bright move looking back) and I was broken up with my ex bf (whom I went back to (mistake number one - dating him in the first place, mistake number two - going back to him)). Anyway, when I went back to said ex bf, we stopped talking, obviously, and I didn't know what happened to him after that. He had told some lies to me about enlisting back in the Army and going to Japan (I've been meaning to ask him about said lie, but never have, guess it's not that important.) [OKAY! IT'S HOT IN HERE!!! Sidenote: I have now shed a layer of clothing.] So, that's why I didn't know where he was. Anyway, I got a wild hair up my ass back in August 98, I knew he would have an email address (cause he was a computer geek like all my other friends at the time) and so I tracked him down and emailed him. He responded and was really happy to hear from me. I didn't expect anything, I just wanted to see how he was doing and apologize for the past and fill him in on my life now. Anyway, turns out he was in the process of moving from Houston (where he is originally from) to Austin. Well, I had been to Austin on a school trip and then to see a friend. I love that town. Anyway, he said he had a girlfriend and that things were not good. We talked on the phone a couple of times. Then we really didn't talk much unless it was on ICQ or AIM or an occasional email. Fast forward to December 98 - I went to Austin with supposed, no longer best friend due to extinuating circumstances and we met up. We hung out most of the time, I picked him up from work, we ended up staying together all night. He still has said girlfriend...we didn't do anything, except kiss. Then I went back to Austin two weeks later for Christmas (left on x-mas day). He had a huge attitude problem. We hung out with some people he worked with and this one guy and I were flirting. Flirting can be harmless or it can get you in trouble and I admit, I am a huge flirt. (I've flirted my way out of late charges on my Hastings acct., flirted and got more money for used CDs and flirted $30 off of an $80 pair of shoes that I wanted really, really bad. Anyway, I really can control my flirting.) Anyway, he got all protective and domineering. And I am thinking, "Hey!!! I'm not even your girlfriend...what's the deal, bud?" I didn't say anything, in fact, I didn't say anything at all...I mean, I didn't even talk to him the rest of the night. Anyway, I went back to Lubbock the next day (Sunday) and kinda felt guilty cause more than what should've happened, happened and he did still have said girlfriend, even though they were having problems. I know what he feels like to be cheated on, and it sucks. I still feel horrible about this. Anyway...fast forward to like this summer...from this past June to now. He keeps telling me how unhappy he is with said girlfriend and how she treats him awfully. I tell him if it's that bad, to get out...don't put himself through being miserable for no reason. He says he can't break up with her now cause she is going through things with her family and that would be cruel to do that to her now. I tell him that if he breaks up with her at the worst possible time, that she will always remember it and never want to or try to get back with him. (I think weird, I guess, but l thought it was logical.) Anyway, during all this time, he keeps telling me that he wants me to come down and that he will pay for my airfare there. I keep telling him that I don't want the shit to go down with me there having to rely on an airplane to get me home (not like having a car, hopping in it and driving). Anyway, he says it will be okay, cause she doesn't come over anymore and they fight all the time. But he is still with her, and that's the principle. He says that I've been down there before and didn't have a problem with it. Well, I had my car then and I didn't know his true intentions before...it was a friendly thing. Anyway, somewhere along the way I developed morals and I don't even know the girl, I don't want to do this to her. She knows that we were an item in the past, but not that I've ever been down there or that we've seen each other, or that we talk. Which pisses me off...he needs to be honest. Anyway, we get in a fight over this and I quit talking to him for like a month. For some reason, I cave in and talk to him again. He still wants me to come down there. He and said girlfriend are still together but see even less of each other, things are now cool with her family and it will only be a matter of time. He wants things to dwindle down and wants to still be friends with her. I tell him bullshit. (This is what the fight was about.) He tells me that if he and I can do it, they can. I told him that what we had was not on the level that what they currently have. That's why we can be friends and it would be next to impossible that they ever can. Anyway, he still tells me he's gonna get me to come down there...but everytime the date gets pushed back a little farther each time we talk. I think it's bullshit. It pisses me off...but what can I do. I shouldn't even be talking to him...oh well. I never learn. I keep thinking that if he really does come through with plane tickets, that I am gonna go down there and have some long awaited and much needed fun...for free! It'll be a break for me, ya know? But that is wrong, too. And will only cause more problems. He wants me to move down there. If I move to Austin (cause I love the town) it is going to be on my own terms, not his, and I have going to have a place of my own. That talk, though, has kinda died down. At one point throughtout this whole ordeal, he even told me he still loves me. I'm thinking, "Yeah right?!?!!" How could a 23 y/o ever love a 16 y/o (I have been mature for my age all my life, but still)??? And how could you love someone that you barely know anymore and that you didn't have a deep relationship with??? I think he's full of shit. I admit, I do care about him, and I guess there is the level of love ther like there would be for a really good friend, but that's it. Who knows. I have a bad feeling and I have learned to trust my gut after all this time. I'm not sure that I will go. Sometimes, I think that I will cause I am so bored and tired of Lubbock. I'm not holding my breath for plane tickets. He's supposed to have mailed me a package like 3 months ago and never has. My mom says he is full of empty promises, I think she's right. I know she's right. he's really immature acting for someone who is 27 years old. I guess some people never grow up. I don't even care if he reads this. It's all stuff I've already told him in the past, too. All this deep confusing stuff is giving me a headache, and probably you, too. So, I digress...